diff --git a/VERSION b/VERSION
index 6380571..83e07c1 100644
--- a/VERSION
+++ b/VERSION
@@ -1 +1 @@
-0.2410.191603
+0.2410.211811
diff --git a/composer.lock b/composer.lock
index dd66e50..c5ccd3a 100644
--- a/composer.lock
+++ b/composer.lock
@@ -1324,16 +1324,16 @@
         },
         {
             "name": "phpunit/phpunit",
-            "version": "11.4.1",
+            "version": "11.4.2",
             "source": {
                 "type": "git",
                 "url": "https://github.com/sebastianbergmann/phpunit.git",
-                "reference": "7875627f15f4da7e7f0823d1f323f7295a77334e"
+                "reference": "1863643c3f04ad03dcb9c6996c294784cdda4805"
             },
             "dist": {
                 "type": "zip",
-                "url": "https://api.github.com/repos/sebastianbergmann/phpunit/zipball/7875627f15f4da7e7f0823d1f323f7295a77334e",
-                "reference": "7875627f15f4da7e7f0823d1f323f7295a77334e",
+                "url": "https://api.github.com/repos/sebastianbergmann/phpunit/zipball/1863643c3f04ad03dcb9c6996c294784cdda4805",
+                "reference": "1863643c3f04ad03dcb9c6996c294784cdda4805",
                 "shasum": ""
             },
             "require": {
@@ -1347,21 +1347,21 @@
                 "phar-io/manifest": "^2.0.4",
                 "phar-io/version": "^3.2.1",
                 "php": ">=8.2",
-                "phpunit/php-code-coverage": "^11.0.6",
+                "phpunit/php-code-coverage": "^11.0.7",
                 "phpunit/php-file-iterator": "^5.1.0",
                 "phpunit/php-invoker": "^5.0.1",
                 "phpunit/php-text-template": "^4.0.1",
                 "phpunit/php-timer": "^7.0.1",
                 "sebastian/cli-parser": "^3.0.2",
                 "sebastian/code-unit": "^3.0.1",
-                "sebastian/comparator": "^6.1.0",
+                "sebastian/comparator": "^6.1.1",
                 "sebastian/diff": "^6.0.2",
                 "sebastian/environment": "^7.2.0",
                 "sebastian/exporter": "^6.1.3",
                 "sebastian/global-state": "^7.0.2",
                 "sebastian/object-enumerator": "^6.0.1",
                 "sebastian/type": "^5.1.0",
-                "sebastian/version": "^5.0.1"
+                "sebastian/version": "^5.0.2"
             },
             "suggest": {
                 "ext-soap": "To be able to generate mocks based on WSDL files"
@@ -1404,7 +1404,7 @@
             "support": {
                 "issues": "https://github.com/sebastianbergmann/phpunit/issues",
                 "security": "https://github.com/sebastianbergmann/phpunit/security/policy",
-                "source": "https://github.com/sebastianbergmann/phpunit/tree/11.4.1"
+                "source": "https://github.com/sebastianbergmann/phpunit/tree/11.4.2"
             },
             "funding": [
                 {
@@ -1420,7 +1420,7 @@
                     "type": "tidelift"
                 }
             ],
-            "time": "2024-10-08T15:38:37+00:00"
+            "time": "2024-10-19T13:05:19+00:00"
         },
         {
             "name": "sebastian/cli-parser",
diff --git a/src/Db/Sqlite/SqliteMariaDbPolyfill.php b/src/Db/Sqlite/SqliteMariaDbPolyfill.php
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d5e2cd5
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/Db/Sqlite/SqliteMariaDbPolyfill.php
@@ -0,0 +1,225 @@
+<?php
+// SqliteMariaDbPolyfill.php
+// Created: 2024-10-21
+// Updated: 2024-10-21
+
+namespace Index\Db\Sqlite;
+
+use DateTimeImmutable;
+use RuntimeException;
+use Random\Randomizer;
+use Random\Engine\Mt19937;
+
+/**
+ * Provides implementations of MariaDB functions for use in SQLite.
+ */
+final class SqliteMariaDbPolyfill {
+    /**
+     * @throws RuntimeException Will always throw because this is a static class exclusively.
+     */
+    public function __construct() {
+        throw new RuntimeException('This is a static class, you cannot create an instance of it.');
+    }
+
+    /**
+     * Adds all functions to a given SQLite connection.
+     *
+     * @param SqliteConnection $conn Connection to add functions to.
+     */
+    public static function apply(SqliteConnection $conn): void {
+        $conn->createFunction('IF', self::mdbIf(...));
+        $conn->createFunction('NOW', self::mdbNow(...));
+        $conn->createFunction('RAND', self::mdbRand(...));
+        $conn->createFunction('UNIX_TIMESTAMP', self::mdbUnixTimestamp(...));
+        $conn->createFunction('FROM_UNIXTIME', self::mdbFromUnixtime(...));
+        $conn->createFunction('INET6_NTOA', self::mdbInet6ntoa(...));
+        $conn->createFunction('INET6_ATON', self::mdbInet6aton(...));
+        $conn->createFunction('UNHEX', self::mdbUnhex(...));
+    }
+
+    /**
+     * MariaDB compatible IF function.
+     *
+     * @see https://mariadb.com/kb/en/if-function/
+     * @param mixed $condition Condition that was tested.
+     * @param mixed $true Return value if true ($condition <> 0 and $condition <> null)
+     * @param mixed $false Return value if false.
+     * @return mixed Either $true or $false.
+     */
+    public static function mdbIf(mixed $condition, mixed $true, mixed $false): mixed {
+        return $condition ? $true : $false;
+    }
+
+    /**
+     * Returns a number in the range 0 <= v < 1.0.
+     *
+     * @see https://mariadb.com/kb/en/rand/
+     * @param mixed $seed Seed value.
+     * @return float Random number.
+     */
+    public static function mdbRand(mixed $seed = null): float {
+        return (new Randomizer(new Mt19937(is_scalar($seed) ? (int)$seed : null)))->nextFloat();
+    }
+
+    /**
+     * MariaDB compatible NOW/CURRENT_TIMESTAMP function.
+     *
+     * Returns current date/time in YYYY-MM-DD HH:MM:SS[.uuuuuu] format.
+     * Does not support numeric mode.
+     *
+     * @see https://mariadb.com/kb/en/now/
+     * @param mixed $precision Millisecond precision.
+     * @return string Date.
+     */
+    public static function mdbNow(mixed $precision = null): mixed {
+        $dt = new DateTimeImmutable('now');
+        $precision = is_scalar($precision) ? min(6, max(0, (int)$precision)) : 0;
+
+        $ts = $dt->format('Y-m-d H:i:s');
+        if($precision > 0)
+            $ts .= '.' . substr($dt->format('u'), 0, $precision);
+
+        return $ts;
+    }
+
+    /**
+     * Returns the current UNIX timestamp or gets it from a date/time string.
+     *
+     * @see https://mariadb.com/kb/en/unix_timestamp/
+     * @param mixed $arg Null or a scalar value.
+     * @return int|float Timestamp.
+     */
+    public static function mdbUnixTimestamp(mixed $arg = null): int|float {
+        if(is_scalar($arg)) {
+            $dt = new DateTimeImmutable((string)$arg);
+            $ts = $dt->format('U');
+            $ms = $dt->format('u');
+
+            if(trim($ms, '0') !== '')
+                return (float)sprintf('%d.%d', $ts, $ms);
+
+            return (int)$ts;
+        }
+
+        return time();
+    }
+
+    /**
+     * Returns the current UNIX timestamp or gets it from a date/time string.
+     *
+     * @see https://mariadb.com/kb/en/from_unixtime/
+     * @param mixed $ts Timestamp.
+     * @param mixed $format Format string like in the specified MariaDB config.
+     * @return ?string Formatted timestamp.
+     */
+    public static function mdbFromUnixtime(mixed $ts, mixed $format = null): ?string {
+        if(!is_scalar($ts))
+            return null;
+
+        $ts = (float)$ts;
+        $hasMs = abs($ts - (int)$ts) > 0;
+        $ts = new DateTimeImmutable(sprintf('@%F', $ts));
+
+        if(is_scalar($format)) {
+            $format = strtr((string)$format, [
+                '%a' => 'D',
+                '%b' => 'M',
+                '%c' => 'n',
+                '%D' => 'jS',
+                '%d' => 'd',
+                '%e' => 'j',
+                '%f' => 'u',
+                '%H' => 'H',
+                '%h' => 'h',
+                '%I' => 'H',
+                '%i' => 'i',
+                '%j' => 'z', // uh-oh this should be +1
+                '%k' => 'G',
+                '%l' => 'g',
+                '%M' => 'F',
+                '%m' => 'm',
+                '%p' => 'A',
+                '%r' => 'g:i:s A',
+                '%S' => 's',
+                '%s' => 's',
+                '%T' => 'H:i:s',
+                '%U' => 'W', // whoops these are also all approximations
+                '%u' => 'W', // ^
+                '%V' => 'W', // ^
+                '%v' => 'W', // ^
+                '%W' => 'l',
+                '%w' => 'w',
+                '%X' => 'Y', // also wrong
+                '%x' => 'Y', // ^
+                '%Y' => 'Y',
+                '%y' => 'y',
+                '%#' => '#', // unsupported
+                '%.' => '.', // ^
+                '%@' => '@', // ^
+                '%%' => '%',
+            ]);
+        } else {
+            $format = 'Y-m-d H:i:s';
+            if($hasMs)
+                $format .= '.u';
+        }
+
+        return $ts->format($format);
+    }
+
+    /**
+     * Converts a binary IPv4 or IPv6 address and converts it to a human readable representation.
+     *
+     * @see https://mariadb.com/kb/en/inet6_ntoa/
+     * @param mixed $addr Binary IP address.
+     * @return ?string Formatted IP address or NULL if the input could not be understood.
+     */
+    public static function mdbInet6ntoa(mixed $addr): ?string {
+        if(!is_scalar($addr))
+            return null;
+
+        $addr = inet_ntop((string)$addr);
+        if($addr === false)
+            return null;
+
+        return $addr;
+    }
+
+    /**
+     * Converts a human readable IPv4 or IPv6 address and converts it to a binary representation.
+     *
+     * @see https://mariadb.com/kb/en/inet6_aton/
+     * @param mixed $addr Human readable IP address.
+     * @return ?string Binary IP address or NULL if the input was not understood.
+     */
+    public static function mdbInet6aton(mixed $addr): ?string {
+        if(!is_scalar($addr))
+            return null;
+
+        $addr = inet_pton((string)$addr);
+        if($addr === false)
+            return null;
+
+        return $addr;
+    }
+
+    /**
+     * Unhex function.
+     *
+     * HEX() is defined but UNHEX() isn't???
+     *
+     * @see https://mariadb.com/kb/en/unhex/
+     * @param mixed $str Hex string.
+     * @return mixed Binary value.
+     */
+    public static function mdbUnhex(mixed $str): ?string {
+        if(!is_scalar($str))
+            return null;
+
+        $str = hex2bin($str);
+        if($str === false)
+            return '';
+
+        return $str;
+    }
+}
diff --git a/tests/SqliteMariaDbPolyfillTest.php b/tests/SqliteMariaDbPolyfillTest.php
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2a52885
--- /dev/null
+++ b/tests/SqliteMariaDbPolyfillTest.php
@@ -0,0 +1,85 @@
+<?php
+// SqliteMariaDbPolyfillTest.php
+// Created: 2024-10-21
+// Updated: 2024-10-21
+
+declare(strict_types=1);
+
+use PHPUnit\Framework\TestCase;
+use PHPUnit\Framework\Attributes\{CoversClass,UsesClass};
+use Index\Db\Sqlite\{SqliteConnection,SqliteConnectionInfo,SqliteMariaDbPolyfill};
+
+#[CoversClass(SqliteMariaDbPolyfill::class)]
+#[UsesClass(SqliteConnection::class)]
+#[UsesClass(SqliteConnectionInfo::class)]
+final class SqliteMariaDbPolyfillTest extends TestCase {
+    public function testSqliteMariaDbPolyfill(): void {
+        $dbPath = tempnam(sys_get_temp_dir(), 'ndx');
+        $db = new SqliteConnection(SqliteConnectionInfo::createTemp());
+        SqliteMariaDbPolyfill::apply($db);
+
+        $result = $db->query('SELECT IF(1, "true", "false"), IF(0, "true", "false"), IF(NULL, "true", "false"), IF("beans", "true", "false")');
+        $this->assertTrue($result->next());
+        $this->assertEquals('true', $result->getString(0));
+        $this->assertEquals('false', $result->getString(1));
+        $this->assertEquals('false', $result->getString(2));
+        $this->assertEquals('true', $result->getString(3));
+
+        $result = $db->query('SELECT NOW(), NOW(1), NOW(2), NOW(3), NOW(4), NOW(5), NOW(6), NOW(7)');
+        $this->assertTrue($result->next());
+        $this->assertEquals(date('Y-m-d H:i:s'), $result->getString(0)); // lol
+        $this->assertEquals(21, strlen($result->getString(1)));
+        $this->assertEquals(22, strlen($result->getString(2)));
+        $this->assertEquals(23, strlen($result->getString(3)));
+        $this->assertEquals(24, strlen($result->getString(4)));
+        $this->assertEquals(25, strlen($result->getString(5)));
+        $this->assertEquals(26, strlen($result->getString(6)));
+        $this->assertEquals(26, strlen($result->getString(7)));
+
+        // the implementation isn't identical to MariaDB but it does return the same values for a given seed
+        $result = $db->query('SELECT RAND(1337), RAND(1337), RAND(6770), RAND(25252)');
+        $this->assertTrue($result->next());
+        $this->assertEquals('0.5605297529283', $result->getString(0));
+        $this->assertEquals('0.5605297529283', $result->getString(1));
+        $this->assertEquals('0.19382955825286', $result->getString(2));
+        $this->assertEquals('0.76407597350729', $result->getString(3));
+
+        $result = $db->query('SELECT UNIX_TIMESTAMP(), UNIX_TIMESTAMP("2013-01-27 22:12:34"), UNIX_TIMESTAMP("2013-01-27 22:12:34.567891")');
+        $this->assertTrue($result->next());
+        $this->assertEquals(time(), $result->getInteger(0));
+        $this->assertEquals(1359324754, $result->getInteger(1));
+        $this->assertEquals(1359324754.567891, $result->getFloat(2));
+
+        $result = $db->query('SELECT UNIX_TIMESTAMP(), UNIX_TIMESTAMP("2013-01-27 22:12:34"), UNIX_TIMESTAMP("2013-01-27 22:12:34.567891")');
+        $this->assertTrue($result->next());
+        $this->assertEquals(time(), $result->getInteger(0));
+        $this->assertEquals(1359324754, $result->getInteger(1));
+        $this->assertEquals(1359324754.567891, $result->getFloat(2));
+
+        $result = $db->query('SELECT HEX(INET6_ATON("::1")), HEX(INET6_ATON("127.0.0.1")), INET6_ATON("Beans"), INET6_ATON(NULL), HEX(INET6_ATON("86.81.56.51")), HEX(INET6_ATON("2a02:a445:c012:1:690b:2fa4:4009:e06"))');
+        $this->assertTrue($result->next());
+        $this->assertEquals('00000000000000000000000000000001', $result->getString(0));
+        $this->assertEquals('7F000001', $result->getString(1));
+        $this->assertTrue($result->isNull(2));
+        $this->assertTrue($result->isNull(3));
+        $this->assertEquals('56513833', $result->getString(4));
+        $this->assertEquals('2A02A445C0120001690B2FA440090E06', $result->getString(5));
+
+        $result = $db->query('SELECT INET6_NTOA(UNHEX("00000000000000000000000000000001")), INET6_NTOA(UNHEX("7f000001")), INET6_NTOA("Bean"), INET6_NTOA("Beans"), INET6_NTOA(NULL), INET6_NTOA(UNHEX("56513833")), INET6_NTOA(UNHEX("2A02A445C0120001690B2FA440090E06"))');
+        $this->assertTrue($result->next());
+        $this->assertEquals('::1', $result->getString(0));
+        $this->assertEquals('127.0.0.1', $result->getString(1));
+        $this->assertEquals('66.101.97.110', $result->getString(2));
+        $this->assertTrue($result->isNull(3));
+        $this->assertTrue($result->isNull(4));
+        $this->assertEquals('86.81.56.51', $result->getString(5));
+        $this->assertEquals('2a02:a445:c012:1:690b:2fa4:4009:e06', $result->getString(6));
+
+        $result = $db->query('SELECT FROM_UNIXTIME(NULL), FROM_UNIXTIME(1359324754), FROM_UNIXTIME(1359324754.567891), FROM_UNIXTIME(1359324754.567891, "%a %b %c %D %d %e %f %H %h %I %i %j %k %l %M %m %p %r %S %s %T %U %u %V %v %W %w %X %x %Y %y %# %. %@ %%")');
+        $this->assertTrue($result->next());
+        $this->assertTrue($result->isNull(0));
+        $this->assertEquals('2013-01-27 22:12:34', $result->getString(1));
+        $this->assertEquals('2013-01-27 22:12:34.567891', $result->getString(2));
+        $this->assertEquals('Sun Jan 1 27th 27 27 567891 22 10 22 12 26 22 10 January 01 PM 10:12:34 PM 34 34 22:12:34 04 04 04 04 Sunday 0 2013 2013 2013 13 # . @ %', $result->getString(3));
+    }
+}