diff --git a/misuzu.php b/misuzu.php
index dae0df08..c8a6ed7e 100644
--- a/misuzu.php
+++ b/misuzu.php
@@ -40,6 +40,7 @@ require_once __DIR__ . '/src/Forum/perms.php';
 require_once __DIR__ . '/src/Forum/post.php';
 require_once __DIR__ . '/src/Forum/topic.php';
 require_once __DIR__ . '/src/Forum/validate.php';
+require_once __DIR__ . '/src/Parsers/parse.php';
 require_once __DIR__ . '/src/Users/login_attempt.php';
 require_once __DIR__ . '/src/Users/profile.php';
 require_once __DIR__ . '/src/Users/relations.php';
diff --git a/public/forum/posting.php b/public/forum/posting.php
index 0899b9b7..dcc1e6d3 100644
--- a/public/forum/posting.php
+++ b/public/forum/posting.php
@@ -126,7 +126,7 @@ if ($postRequest) {
         $app->getUserId(),
         IPAddress::remote()->getString(),
         $postText,
-        MSZ_FORUM_POST_PARSER_BBCODE
+        MSZ_PARSER_BBCODE
     );
     forum_topic_mark_read($app->getUserId(), $topicId, $forum['forum_id']);
 
diff --git a/public/settings.php b/public/settings.php
index ed195a73..261721a3 100644
--- a/public/settings.php
+++ b/public/settings.php
@@ -114,13 +114,13 @@ if ($_SERVER['REQUEST_METHOD'] === 'POST') {
             if (!$perms['edit_about']) {
                 $settingsErrors[] = "You're not allowed to edit your about page.";
             } else {
-                $aboutParser = (int)($_POST['about']['parser'] ?? MSZ_FORUM_POST_PARSER_PLAIN);
+                $aboutParser = (int)($_POST['about']['parser'] ?? MSZ_PARSER_PLAIN);
                 $aboutText = $_POST['about']['text'] ?? '';
 
                 // TODO: this is disgusting (move this into a user_set_about function or some shit)
                 while (true) {
                     // TODO: take parser shit out of forum_post
-                    if (!forum_post_is_valid_parser($aboutParser)) {
+                    if (!parser_is_valid($aboutParser)) {
                         $settingsErrors[] = 'Invalid parser specified.';
                         break;
                     }
diff --git a/src/Forum/post.php b/src/Forum/post.php
index b20459ea..4cde54a0 100644
--- a/src/Forum/post.php
+++ b/src/Forum/post.php
@@ -1,27 +1,13 @@
 <?php
 use Misuzu\Database;
 
-define('MSZ_FORUM_POST_PARSER_PLAIN', 0);
-define('MSZ_FORUM_POST_PARSER_BBCODE', 1);
-define('MSZ_FORUM_POST_PARSER_MARKDOWN', 2);
-define('MSZ_FORUM_POST_PARSERS', [
-    MSZ_FORUM_POST_PARSER_PLAIN,
-    MSZ_FORUM_POST_PARSER_BBCODE,
-    MSZ_FORUM_POST_PARSER_MARKDOWN,
-]);
-
-function forum_post_is_valid_parser(int $parser): bool
-{
-    return in_array($parser, MSZ_FORUM_POST_PARSERS);
-}
-
 function forum_post_create(
     int $topicId,
     int $forumId,
     int $userId,
     string $ipAddress,
     string $text,
-    int $parser = MSZ_FORUM_POST_PARSER_PLAIN
+    int $parser = MSZ_PARSER_PLAIN
 ): int {
     $createPost = Database::prepare('
         INSERT INTO `msz_forum_posts`
diff --git a/src/Parsers/parse.php b/src/Parsers/parse.php
new file mode 100644
index 00000000..7b0fdd66
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/Parsers/parse.php
@@ -0,0 +1,53 @@
+<?php
+use Misuzu\Parsers\MarkdownParser;
+use Misuzu\Parsers\BBCode\BBCodeParser;
+
+define('MSZ_PARSER_PLAIN', 0);
+define('MSZ_PARSER_BBCODE', 1);
+define('MSZ_PARSER_MARKDOWN', 2);
+define('MSZ_PARSERS', [
+    MSZ_PARSER_PLAIN,
+    MSZ_PARSER_BBCODE,
+    MSZ_PARSER_MARKDOWN,
+]);
+
+function parser_is_valid(int $parser): bool
+{
+    return in_array($parser, MSZ_PARSERS, true);
+}
+
+function parse_text(string $text, int $parser): string
+{
+    if (!parser_is_valid($parser)) {
+        return '';
+    }
+
+    switch ($parser) {
+        case MSZ_PARSER_MARKDOWN:
+            return MarkdownParser::instance()->parseText($text);
+
+        case MSZ_PARSER_BBCODE:
+            return BBCodeParser::instance()->parseText($text);
+
+        case MSZ_PARSER_PLAIN:
+            return $text;
+    }
+}
+
+function parse_line(string $line, int $parser): string
+{
+    if (!parser_is_valid($parser)) {
+        return '';
+    }
+
+    switch ($parser) {
+        case MSZ_PARSER_MARKDOWN:
+            return MarkdownParser::instance()->parseLine($line);
+
+        case MSZ_PARSER_BBCODE:
+            return BBCodeParser::instance()->parseLine($line);
+
+        case MSZ_PARSER_PLAIN:
+            return $line;
+    }
+}
diff --git a/templates/changelog/change.twig b/templates/changelog/change.twig
index 602f4717..37e3406b 100644
--- a/templates/changelog/change.twig
+++ b/templates/changelog/change.twig
@@ -62,7 +62,7 @@
                         <div class="changelog__change__column changelog__change__column--change-info">
                             <div class="changelog__change__text">
                                 {% if change.change_text|length >= 1 %}
-                                    {{ change.change_text|parse_text('md')|raw }}
+                                    {{ change.change_text|parse_text(constant('MSZ_PARSER_MARKDOWN'))|raw }}
                                 {% else %}
                                     <p>This change has no additional notes.</p>
                                 {% endif %}
diff --git a/templates/forum/macros.twig b/templates/forum/macros.twig
index 069419cf..ac3a14e6 100644
--- a/templates/forum/macros.twig
+++ b/templates/forum/macros.twig
@@ -292,13 +292,7 @@
                 </a>
             </div>
             <div class="forum__post__content__text">
-                {% if post.post_parse == 2 %}
-                    {{ post.post_text|escape|parse_text('md')|raw }}
-                {% elseif post.post_parse == 1 %}
-                    {{ post.post_text|escape|parse_text('bb')|raw }}
-                {% else %}
-                    {{ post.post_text|escape }}
-                {% endif %}
+                {{ post.post_text|escape|parse_text(post.post_parse)|raw }}
             </div>
         </div>
     </div>
diff --git a/templates/info/view.twig b/templates/info/view.twig
index 954bd6bd..5ea38915 100644
--- a/templates/info/view.twig
+++ b/templates/info/view.twig
@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@
             {{ document.title }}
         </div>
         <div class="container__content">
-            {{ document.content|parse_text('md')|raw }}
+            {{ document.content|parse_text(constant('MSZ_PARSER_MARKDOWN'))|raw }}
         </div>
     </div>
 {% endblock %}
diff --git a/templates/news/macros.twig b/templates/news/macros.twig
index c10421ba..d74d9f89 100644
--- a/templates/news/macros.twig
+++ b/templates/news/macros.twig
@@ -7,7 +7,7 @@
         <div class="news__preview__container">
             <div class="news__preview__content">
                 <div class="news__preview__text">
-                    {{ post.post_text|first_paragraph|parse_text('md')|raw }}
+                    {{ post.post_text|first_paragraph|parse_text(constant('MSZ_PARSER_MARKDOWN'))|raw }}
                 </div>
 
                 {% if post.user_id is not null %}
diff --git a/templates/news/post.twig b/templates/news/post.twig
index 359d5892..992447d2 100644
--- a/templates/news/post.twig
+++ b/templates/news/post.twig
@@ -13,7 +13,7 @@
 
         <div class="news__post__content">
             <div class="news__post__text">
-                {{ post.post_text|parse_text('md')|raw }}
+                {{ post.post_text|parse_text(constant('MSZ_PARSER_MARKDOWN'))|raw }}
             </div>
 
             <div class="news__sidebar news__post__details">
diff --git a/templates/user/profile.twig b/templates/user/profile.twig
index e5c81da9..df527112 100644
--- a/templates/user/profile.twig
+++ b/templates/user/profile.twig
@@ -181,13 +181,7 @@
                             About {{ profile.username }}
                         </div>
                         <div class="container__content profile__about__content">
-                            {% if profile.user_about_parser == 2 %}
-                                {{ profile.user_about_content|escape|parse_text('md')|raw }}
-                            {% elseif profile.user_about_parser == 1 %}
-                                {{ profile.user_about_content|escape|parse_text('bb')|raw }}
-                            {% else %}
-                                {{ profile.user_about_content|escape }}
-                            {% endif %}
+                            {{ profile.user_about_content|escape|parse_text(profile.user_about_parser)|raw }}
                         </div>
                     </div>
                 {% endif %}
diff --git a/utility.php b/utility.php
index ef81fba8..d0c068bc 100644
--- a/utility.php
+++ b/utility.php
@@ -20,6 +20,15 @@ function array_test(array $array, callable $func): bool
     return true;
 }
 
+function array_apply(array $array, callable $func): array
+{
+    for ($i = 0; $i < count($array); $i++) {
+        $array[$i] = $func($array[$i]);
+    }
+
+    return $array;
+}
+
 function set_cookie_m(string $name, string $value, int $expires): void
 {
     setcookie(
@@ -255,16 +264,6 @@ function pdo_prepare_array(array $keys, bool $useKeys = false, string $format =
     return implode(', ', $parts);
 }
 
-function parse_markdown(string $text): string
-{
-    return \Misuzu\Parsers\MarkdownParser::instance()->parseText($text);
-}
-
-function parse_bbcode(string $text): string
-{
-    return \Misuzu\Parsers\BBCode\BBCodeParser::instance()->parseText($text);
-}
-
 function is_local_url(string $url): bool
 {
     $length = mb_strlen($url);
@@ -281,38 +280,6 @@ function is_local_url(string $url): bool
     return starts_with($url, $prefix);
 }
 
-function parse_text(string $text, string $parser): string
-{
-    switch (mb_strtolower($parser)) {
-        case 'md':
-        case 'markdown':
-            return \Misuzu\Parsers\MarkdownParser::instance()->parseText($text);
-
-        case 'bb':
-        case 'bbcode':
-            return \Misuzu\Parsers\BBCode\BBCodeParser::instance()->parseText($text);
-
-        default:
-            return $text;
-    }
-}
-
-function parse_line(string $line, string $parser): string
-{
-    switch (mb_strtolower($parser)) {
-        case 'md':
-        case 'markdown':
-            return \Misuzu\Parsers\MarkdownParser::instance()->parseLine($line);
-
-        case 'bb':
-        case 'bbcode':
-            return \Misuzu\Parsers\BBCode\BBCodeParser::instance()->parseLine($line);
-
-        default:
-            return $line;
-    }
-}
-
 function render_error(int $code, string $template = 'errors.%d'): string
 {
     return render_info(null, $code, $template);