diff --git a/database/2018_10_29_201419_undo_laravel_damage.php b/database/2018_10_29_201419_undo_laravel_damage.php
index 735bac3e..7cd0a882 100644
--- a/database/2018_10_29_201419_undo_laravel_damage.php
+++ b/database/2018_10_29_201419_undo_laravel_damage.php
@@ -54,4 +54,7 @@ function migrate_up(PDO $conn): void
 
 function migrate_down(PDO $conn): void
 {
+    // can't be bothered to write a reverse for this migration
+    // honestly i might just remove migrate_down system since i don't really ever use it
+    $conn = $conn; // trick phpcs
 }
diff --git a/misuzu.php b/misuzu.php
index 9b614068..f26af397 100644
--- a/misuzu.php
+++ b/misuzu.php
@@ -89,7 +89,7 @@ if (PHP_SAPI === 'cli') {
                 // Ensure main role exists.
                 db_exec("
                     INSERT IGNORE INTO `msz_roles`
-                        (`role_id`, `role_name`, `role_hierarchy`, `role_colour`, `role_description`, `created_at`)
+                        (`role_id`, `role_name`, `role_hierarchy`, `role_colour`, `role_description`, `role_created`)
                     VALUES
                         (1, 'Member', 1, 1073741824, NULL, NOW())
                 ");
@@ -142,7 +142,7 @@ if (PHP_SAPI === 'cli') {
                 // Cleans up the login history table
                 db_exec('
                     DELETE FROM `msz_login_attempts`
-                    WHERE `created_at` < NOW() - INTERVAL 1 YEAR
+                    WHERE `attempt_created` < NOW() - INTERVAL 1 YEAR
                 ');
 
                 // Cleans up the audit log table
diff --git a/public/auth.php b/public/auth.php
index 691de59d..77316e46 100644
--- a/public/auth.php
+++ b/public/auth.php
@@ -268,7 +268,7 @@ MSG;
             }
 
             user_session_start($userId, $sessionKey);
-            $cookieLife = strtotime(user_session_current('expires_on'));
+            $cookieLife = strtotime(user_session_current('session_expires'));
             set_cookie_m('uid', $userId, $cookieLife);
             set_cookie_m('sid', $sessionKey, $cookieLife);
 
diff --git a/public/index.php b/public/index.php
index 93ea2d6b..5c53b8a9 100644
--- a/public/index.php
+++ b/public/index.php
@@ -20,7 +20,7 @@ $statistics = cache_get('index:stats:v1', function () {
         ')->fetchColumn(),
         'lastUser' => db_query('
             SELECT
-                u.`user_id`, u.`username`, u.`created_at`,
+                u.`user_id`, u.`username`, u.`user_created`,
                 COALESCE(u.`user_colour`, r.`role_colour`) as `user_colour`
             FROM `msz_users` as u
             LEFT JOIN `msz_roles` as r
@@ -54,8 +54,8 @@ $onlineUsers = cache_get('index:online:v1', function () {
         FROM `msz_users` as u
         LEFT JOIN `msz_roles` as r
         ON r.`role_id` = u.`display_role`
-        WHERE u.`last_seen` >= DATE_SUB(NOW(), INTERVAL 5 MINUTE)
-        ORDER BY u.`last_seen` DESC
+        WHERE u.`user_active` >= DATE_SUB(NOW(), INTERVAL 5 MINUTE)
+        ORDER BY u.`user_active` DESC
     ')->fetchAll(PDO::FETCH_ASSOC);
 }, 30);
 
diff --git a/public/manage/users.php b/public/manage/users.php
index 731341aa..50b1c192 100644
--- a/public/manage/users.php
+++ b/public/manage/users.php
@@ -376,12 +376,12 @@ switch ($_GET['v'] ?? null) {
                     INSERT INTO `msz_roles`
                         (
                             `role_name`, `role_hierarchy`, `role_secret`, `role_colour`,
-                            `role_description`, `created_at`, `role_title`
+                            `role_description`, `role_title`
                         )
                     VALUES
                         (
                             :role_name, :role_hierarchy, :role_secret, :role_colour,
-                            :role_description, NOW(), :role_title
+                            :role_description, :role_title
                         )
                 ');
             } else {
diff --git a/public/members.php b/public/members.php
index a1d39cc0..2f0def16 100644
--- a/public/members.php
+++ b/public/members.php
@@ -31,12 +31,12 @@ $orderFields = [
         'title' => 'Country',
     ],
     'registered' => [
-        'column' => 'created_at',
+        'column' => 'user_created',
         'default-dir' => 'desc',
         'title' => 'Registration Date',
     ],
     'last-online' => [
-        'column' => 'last_seen',
+        'column' => 'user_active',
         'default-dir' => 'desc',
         'title' => 'Last Online',
     ],
@@ -58,7 +58,7 @@ if (empty($orderDir)) {
 
 $getRole = db_prepare('
     SELECT
-        `role_id`, `role_name`, `role_colour`, `role_description`, `created_at`,
+        `role_id`, `role_name`, `role_colour`, `role_description`, `role_created`,
         (
             SELECT COUNT(`user_id`)
             FROM `msz_user_roles`
diff --git a/public/profile.php b/public/profile.php
index e67c6e06..03ad82b4 100644
--- a/public/profile.php
+++ b/public/profile.php
@@ -261,7 +261,7 @@ switch ($mode) {
                 '
                     SELECT
                         u.`user_id`, u.`username`, u.`user_country`,
-                        u.`created_at`, u.`last_seen`,
+                        u.`user_created`, u.`user_active`,
                         u.`user_about_parser`, u.`user_about_content`, u.`user_background_settings`,
                         %1$s,
                         COALESCE(u.`user_title`, r.`role_title`) as `user_title`,
diff --git a/src/Forum/post.php b/src/Forum/post.php
index 48cf8d0d..ec763db5 100644
--- a/src/Forum/post.php
+++ b/src/Forum/post.php
@@ -52,7 +52,7 @@ define('MSZ_FORUM_POST_LISTING_QUERY_STANDARD', '
         p.`topic_id`,
         u.`user_id` as `poster_id`,
         u.`username` as `poster_name`,
-        u.`created_at` as `poster_joined`,
+        u.`user_created` as `poster_joined`,
         u.`user_country` as `poster_country`,
         COALESCE(u.`user_colour`, r.`role_colour`) as `poster_colour`,
         (
diff --git a/src/Users/login_attempt.php b/src/Users/login_attempt.php
index 904618ee..0bb44ae1 100644
--- a/src/Users/login_attempt.php
+++ b/src/Users/login_attempt.php
@@ -3,15 +3,15 @@ function user_login_attempt_record(bool $success, ?int $userId, string $ipAddres
 {
     $storeAttempt = db_prepare('
         INSERT INTO `msz_login_attempts`
-            (`was_successful`, `attempt_ip`, `attempt_country`, `user_id`, `user_agent`, `created_at`)
+            (`attempt_success`, `attempt_ip`, `attempt_country`, `user_id`, `attempt_user_agent`)
         VALUES
-            (:was_successful, INET6_ATON(:attempt_ip), :attempt_country, :user_id, :user_agent, NOW())
+            (:attempt_success, INET6_ATON(:attempt_ip), :attempt_country, :user_id, :attempt_user_agent)
     ');
 
-    $storeAttempt->bindValue('was_successful', $success ? 1 : 0);
+    $storeAttempt->bindValue('attempt_success', $success ? 1 : 0);
     $storeAttempt->bindValue('attempt_ip', $ipAddress);
     $storeAttempt->bindValue('attempt_country', ip_country_code($ipAddress));
-    $storeAttempt->bindValue('user_agent', $userAgent);
+    $storeAttempt->bindValue('attempt_user_agent', $userAgent);
     $storeAttempt->bindValue('user_id', $userId, $userId === null ? PDO::PARAM_NULL : PDO::PARAM_INT);
     $storeAttempt->execute();
 }
@@ -21,8 +21,8 @@ function user_login_attempts_remaining(string $ipAddress): int
     $getRemaining = db_prepare('
         SELECT 5 - COUNT(`attempt_id`)
         FROM `msz_login_attempts`
-        WHERE `was_successful` = false
-        AND `created_at` > NOW() - INTERVAL 1 HOUR
+        WHERE `attempt_success` = 0
+        AND `attempt_created` > NOW() - INTERVAL 1 HOUR
         AND `attempt_ip` = INET6_ATON(:remote_ip)
     ');
     $getRemaining->bindValue('remote_ip', $ipAddress);
@@ -54,7 +54,7 @@ function user_login_attempts_list(int $offset, int $take, int $userId = 0): arra
 
     $getAttempts = db_prepare(sprintf('
         SELECT
-            `attempt_id`, `attempt_country`, `was_successful`, `user_agent`, `created_at`,
+            `attempt_id`, `attempt_country`, `attempt_success`, `attempt_user_agent`, `attempt_created`,
             INET6_NTOA(`attempt_ip`) as `attempt_ip`
         FROM `msz_login_attempts`
         WHERE %s
diff --git a/src/Users/session.php b/src/Users/session.php
index d7d0cfa4..ffcbca6f 100644
--- a/src/Users/session.php
+++ b/src/Users/session.php
@@ -13,18 +13,18 @@ function user_session_create(
         INSERT INTO `msz_sessions`
             (
                 `user_id`, `session_ip`, `session_country`,
-                `user_agent`, `session_key`, `created_at`, `expires_on`
+                `session_user_agent`, `session_key`, `session_created`, `session_expires`
             )
         VALUES
             (
                 :user_id, INET6_ATON(:session_ip), :session_country,
-                :user_agent, :session_key, NOW(), NOW() + INTERVAL 1 MONTH
+                :session_user_agent, :session_key, NOW(), NOW() + INTERVAL 1 MONTH
             )
     ');
     $createSession->bindValue('user_id', $userId);
     $createSession->bindValue('session_ip', $ipAddress);
     $createSession->bindValue('session_country', ip_country_code($ipAddress));
-    $createSession->bindValue('user_agent', $userAgent);
+    $createSession->bindValue('session_user_agent', $userAgent);
     $createSession->bindValue('session_key', $sessionKey);
 
     return $createSession->execute() ? $sessionKey : '';
@@ -39,7 +39,7 @@ function user_session_find($sessionId, bool $byKey = false): array
     $findSession = db_prepare(sprintf('
         SELECT
             `session_id`, `user_id`, INET6_NTOA(`session_ip`) as `session_ip`,
-            `session_country`, `user_agent`, `session_key`, `created_at`, `expires_on`
+            `session_country`, `session_user_agent`, `session_key`, `session_created`, `session_expires`, `session_active`
         FROM `msz_sessions`
         WHERE `%s` = :session_id
     ', $byKey ? 'session_key' : 'session_id'));
@@ -95,7 +95,7 @@ function user_session_list(int $offset, int $take, int $userId = 0): array
 
     $getSessions = db_prepare(sprintf('
         SELECT
-            `session_id`, `session_country`, `user_agent`, `created_at`, `expires_on`,
+            `session_id`, `session_country`, `session_user_agent`, `session_created`, `session_expires`, `session_active`,
             INET6_NTOA(`session_ip`) as `session_ip`
         FROM `msz_sessions`
         WHERE %s
@@ -125,7 +125,7 @@ function user_session_start(int $userId, string $sessionKey): bool
         return false;
     }
 
-    if (time() >= strtotime($session['expires_on'])) {
+    if (time() >= strtotime($session['session_expires'])) {
         user_session_delete($session['session_id']);
         return false;
     }
@@ -159,5 +159,5 @@ function user_session_current(?string $variable = null, $default = null)
 function user_session_active(): bool
 {
     return !empty($GLOBALS[MSZ_SESSION_DATA_STORE])
-        && time() < strtotime($GLOBALS[MSZ_SESSION_DATA_STORE]['expires_on']);
+        && time() < strtotime($GLOBALS[MSZ_SESSION_DATA_STORE]['session_expires']);
 }
diff --git a/src/Users/user.php b/src/Users/user.php
index 9e973368..0a11915f 100644
--- a/src/Users/user.php
+++ b/src/Users/user.php
@@ -32,12 +32,12 @@ function user_create(
         INSERT INTO `msz_users`
             (
                 `username`, `password`, `email`, `register_ip`,
-                `last_ip`, `user_country`, `created_at`, `display_role`
+                `last_ip`, `user_country`, `display_role`
             )
         VALUES
             (
                 :username, :password, LOWER(:email), INET6_ATON(:register_ip),
-                INET6_ATON(:last_ip), :user_country, NOW(), 1
+                INET6_ATON(:last_ip), :user_country, 1
             )
     ');
     $createUser->bindValue('username', $username);
@@ -138,7 +138,7 @@ function user_bump_last_active(int $userId, string $ipAddress = null): void
 {
     $bumpUserLast = db_prepare('
         UPDATE `msz_users`
-        SET `last_seen` = NOW(),
+        SET `user_active` = NOW(),
             `last_ip` = INET6_ATON(:last_ip)
         WHERE `user_id` = :user_id
     ');
diff --git a/templates/home/index.twig b/templates/home/index.twig
index 4043866f..5948e2a8 100644
--- a/templates/home/index.twig
+++ b/templates/home/index.twig
@@ -24,7 +24,7 @@
                     {% else %}
                         We have <span class="index__stats__emphasis">{{ users_count|number_format }}</span> users and
                         the last person to join was <a href="/profile.php?u={{ last_user.user_id }}" class="index__stats__emphasis index__stats__link" style="{{ last_user.user_colour|html_colour }}">{{ last_user.username }}</a>,
-                        <time datetime="{{ last_user.created_at|date('c') }}" title="{{ last_user.created_at|date('r') }}">{{ last_user.created_at|time_diff }}</time>!
+                        <time datetime="{{ last_user.user_created|date('c') }}" title="{{ last_user.user_created|date('r') }}">{{ last_user.user_created|time_diff }}</time>!
                     {% endif %}
                 </div>
             </div>
diff --git a/templates/manage/users/view.twig b/templates/manage/users/view.twig
index 6b02d3f8..3561dd6e 100644
--- a/templates/manage/users/view.twig
+++ b/templates/manage/users/view.twig
@@ -37,14 +37,14 @@
                 <label class="form__label">
                     <div class="form__label__text">Joined</div>
                     <div class="form__label__input">
-                        {{ input_text('', '', view_user.created_at) }}
+                        {{ input_text('', '', view_user.user_created) }}
                     </div>
                 </label>
 
                 <label class="form__label">
                     <div class="form__label__text">Last online</div>
                     <div class="form__label__input">
-                        {{ input_text('', '', view_user.last_seen) }}
+                        {{ input_text('', '', view_user.user_active) }}
                     </div>
                 </label>
 
diff --git a/templates/user/macros.twig b/templates/user/macros.twig
index a38eb267..a0e072be 100644
--- a/templates/user/macros.twig
+++ b/templates/user/macros.twig
@@ -46,7 +46,7 @@
 
 {% macro user_session(session, is_current_session) %}
     {% from '_layout/input.twig' import input_hidden, input_csrf, input_checkbox_raw %}
-    {% set browser = get_browser(session.user_agent) %}
+    {% set browser = get_browser(session.session_user_agent) %}
 
     <div class="settings__session{% if is_current_session %} settings__session--current{% endif %}" id="session-{{ session.session_id }}">
         <div class="settings__session__important">
@@ -80,21 +80,21 @@
                 </div>
             </div>
 
-            <div class="settings__session__detail" title="{{ session.created_at|date('r') }}">
+            <div class="settings__session__detail" title="{{ session.session_created|date('r') }}">
                 <div class="settings__session__detail__title">
                     Created
                 </div>
-                <time class="settings__session__detail__value" datetime="{{ session.created_at|date('c') }}">
-                    {{ session.created_at|time_diff }}
+                <time class="settings__session__detail__value" datetime="{{ session.session_created|date('c') }}">
+                    {{ session.session_created|time_diff }}
                 </time>
             </div>
 
-            <div class="settings__session__detail" title="{{ session.expires_on|date('r') }}">
+            <div class="settings__session__detail" title="{{ session.session_expires|date('r') }}">
                 <div class="settings__session__detail__title">
                     Expires
                 </div>
-                <time class="settings__session__detail__value" datetime="{{ session.expires_on|date('c') }}">
-                    {{ session.expires_on|time_diff }}
+                <time class="settings__session__detail__value" datetime="{{ session.session_expires|date('c') }}">
+                    {{ session.session_expires|time_diff }}
                 </time>
             </div>
 
@@ -103,7 +103,7 @@
                     User Agent
                 </div>
                 <div class="settings__session__detail__value">
-                    {{ session.user_agent|length > 0 ? session.user_agent : 'None' }}
+                    {{ session.session_user_agent|length > 0 ? session.session_user_agent : 'None' }}
                 </div>
             </div>
         </div>
diff --git a/templates/user/profile.twig b/templates/user/profile.twig
index 731f0797..116f0485 100644
--- a/templates/user/profile.twig
+++ b/templates/user/profile.twig
@@ -11,12 +11,12 @@
     {
         'title': 'Joined',
         'is_date': true,
-        'value': profile.created_at,
+        'value': profile.user_created,
     },
     {
         'title': 'Last seen',
         'is_date': true,
-        'value': profile.last_seen,
+        'value': profile.user_active,
     },
     {
         'title': 'Topics',
diff --git a/templates/user/settings.twig b/templates/user/settings.twig
index 540b5ab4..6eaab920 100644
--- a/templates/user/settings.twig
+++ b/templates/user/settings.twig
@@ -175,27 +175,27 @@
                         <div class="settings__login-history__column__name">
                             Was Successful?
                         </div>
-                        <div class="settings__login-history__column__value settings__login-history__column__value--{{ attempt.was_successful ? 'successful' : 'failed' }}">
-                            {{ attempt.was_successful ? 'Yes' : 'No' }}
+                        <div class="settings__login-history__column__value settings__login-history__column__value--{{ attempt.attempt_success ? 'successful' : 'failed' }}">
+                            {{ attempt.attempt_success ? 'Yes' : 'No' }}
                         </div>
                     </div>
 
-                    <div class="settings__login-history__column settings__login-history__column--created" title="{{ attempt.created_at|date('r') }}">
+                    <div class="settings__login-history__column settings__login-history__column--created" title="{{ attempt.attempt_created|date('r') }}">
                         <div class="settings__login-history__column__name">
                             Attempted
                         </div>
-                        <time class="settings__login-history__column__value" datetime="{{ attempt.created_at|date('c') }}">
-                            {{ attempt.created_at|time_diff }}
+                        <time class="settings__login-history__column__value" datetime="{{ attempt.attempt_created|date('c') }}">
+                            {{ attempt.attempt_created|time_diff }}
                         </time>
                     </div>
 
-                    {% if attempt.user_agent|length > 0 %}
+                    {% if attempt.attempt_user_agent|length > 0 %}
                         <div class="settings__login-history__column settings__login-history__column--user_agent">
                             <div class="settings__login-history__column__name">
                                 User Agent
                             </div>
                             <div class="settings__login-history__column__value">
-                                {{ attempt.user_agent }}
+                                {{ attempt.attempt_user_agent }}
                             </div>
                         </div>
                     {% endif %}